


Sander sides Angst

by Cry_me_a_river14



Category: Sander Sides
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Panic Attacks, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Blood, Character Death, Child Abuse, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Are Twins, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Needs a Hug, Creativity | Roman Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus Sanders Don't Have A Good Relationship, Creativity | Roman Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus Sanders Have A Good Relationship, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Is A Good Friend, Fluff and Angst, Human Sides (Sanders Sides), Hurt Morality | Patton Sanders, Injury, Italics, Kid Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Kid Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders Needs a Hug, M/M, Morality | Patton Sanders Angst, Morality | Patton Sanders Needs a Hug, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Good Friend, Prince Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Protective Deceit | Janus Sanders, Rape, Sad, Sad Logic | Logan Sanders, Self-Harm, Sleep | Remy Sanders Angst, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Thomas Sanders Angst, Unsympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:22:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28674402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cry_me_a_river14/pseuds/Cry_me_a_river14
Summary: Just a bunch of Sander sides Angst drabbles/oneshots-Warning: Harsh subjects such as Suicide, abuse, rape, and so on.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 44





	1. Twinkle Twinkle In the Sky

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: I'm not sorry. Suicide, blood, self-harm, and abuse warning.

_Twinkle, Twinkle in the sky_

"Dad...it was an accident." The pleading voice tried to assure the birth father, his small frame trembling as his soaked pajamas showed he had yet another accident that night. In his arms, he hugged a small, yellow snake plushie to his chest.

"Boy! What did I tell you would happen if you pissed your bed again like a little fucking baby?!" Spat a drunk man as a smashed a beer bottle against the wall.

The child, at only five years only cried out in fear, jumping at the sound of the glass shattering against the stone wall. He screwed his eyes shut, only to scream bloody murder as the glass bottle came in contact with his left eye.

_How I want to fucking die_

A ten-year-old boy sat in the corner of the classroom, knees pulled to his chest, bandages covering the left side of his face. The wound had healed but it left ugly scars behind. One of the shards of glass had even split his eye in half, so naturally, he is now blind in his left eye. He hates the way the left side of his face appears, as does everyone else.

As the boy glanced up to see two boys about his age walk over, he pulled his hood over his head, trying to hide away from the world.

It didn't work.

He soon found himself shoved against the wall, being kicked, and mocked. It took the teacher a good five minutes to realize what was happening.

Five minutes was all the bullies needed.

The boy laid on the ground, curled up, trembling, and crying, which inky caused other children to laugh around him.

_Slit my wrists, and my pain_

He didn't even feel anything by the time he slid the razor against his wrist for the tenth time in a row, watching as blood dripped down his arm. The thirteen-year-old felt numb. He felt broken. He didn't even feel sad at this point. He just felt empty.

He allowed the blood to drip for a bit before washing it away, his eyes glued to the pink-colored water. He pulled his wrists from under the water, dabbing it with an alcohol wipe, causing him to hiss a bit. After he felt the wound was clean enough, he bandaged it up.

A knock to the bathroom door caused the boy's head to shoot up. He opened up to see his older 'brother' Remy standing there with a frown, arms crossed.

"Hey, Dee you know if you need to talk-"

"I'm fine."

"It doesn't matter how many times you say that I don't believe you."

His brother's words hit him hard but that didn't stop him from pushing past him and heading to his room, slamming the four behind him.

_Put a bullet in my brain_

A shaking finger on the trigger had Dee holding in his sobs. He just couldn't take it anymore. He had taken off all his bandages—the ones on his face, arms, and his knuckles—they just sat on his desk. He showed off all his battle scars, and he stared at them. He had survived so much but he just couldn't handle it anymore.

**Snake Face**

**Ugly**

**Worthless**

**Useless**

**Murderer**

**Cry baby**

**Emo**

A sob left him, his hand shaking violently as he pressed the gun to the side of his head. He squeezed his eyes shut.

_**Kill yourself!** _

Dee screamed, throwing the gun at his full-length mirror, which unfortunately led to Remy and his foster parents rushing in, Carol—his foster mother—gasping at the sight while the other two stared in shock.

_Twinkle, Twinkle little star_

Dee didn't even notice them though, he was too busy staring at the shattered mirror blankly, tears falling freely.

_I hope I get hit by a car_

He ran. And he ran far away. After his attempted suicide, his adoptive parents signed him up for therapy.

Dee hated it.

He didn't want help. He wanted to die.

And today was his chance. His foster family has been watching him like a hawk—mainly Remy—and he wasn't allowed to be anywhere but the bathroom by himself. They took everything sharp and hid it so even if Dee wanted to he couldn't hurt himself. Sure he could break the mirror but Remy would hear it.

So he ran.

He ran all the way to the nearest bridge and climbed up on top of the railing. This time he only stripped himself of his face bandages. This time, he wasn't going to go back.

Turning around so he was facing away from the water. He stretched out his arms and shut his eyes.

It felt like he was falling for eternity, he heard a few screams but it didn't matter because the world went black as his body crashed into the freezing water.


	2. Please...Let me out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: No ship, unsympathetic sides at first, Remus Angst
> 
> Just so you'll know I'm not going to tell you if there's a happy ending or not...you'll just have to find that out for yourself! Love you and have fun~

"What if you stick ten ice cubes up your ass? Do you think it will hurt or feel good?"

"Did you know that snakes have two dicks?"

"You know, if you pet a bird it turns them on? I hope you guys haven't pet any birds lately."

"Greater short-horned lizards squirt blood out of its eyes."

"Oh! When male bees mate their sex organs explode."

"Did you also know-"

"REMUS!" All the other sides shouted, Patton, covering his ears while everyone else looked disgusted and irritated. Even Dee was beginning to grow annoyed and he had lived with Remus most if his life.

Remus smiled, tilting his head to the side as he sat criss-cross on the ground. "What?" He questions with a small giggle. "These are beautiful facts about nature."

"Remus, " Logan started with an aggregated sigh. "The knowledge you are providing is unimportant and unnecessary."

"Oh come on, who would it want to know that Sloths almost die whenever they take a shit?"

Patton whimpered at that fact, he's a lover of animals and these facts were only disgusting and disturbing him. " _Please_ someone make him _stop!"_ He begged.

"We can't, if we silence him then it will only be worst." Logan explains, leaning back against the couch.

"Well..." Virgil trailed off, glancing at Dee who glared at the anxious side.

" _No._ " He hissed out firmly before standing up. "Absolutely not." He growled out, causing the light sides to glance at the two curiously.

"What?' They question in unison.

"When we were little...a few of the other dark sides would...lock him in a closet and when he came out he would be silent for a few days." Virgil admits softly and quietly so Remus couldn't hear. The man didn't seem to notice, too lost in his little weird world.

"We can't do that!" Patton exclaimed with a frown.

"Why not?" Roman snaps with a scowl. "It will shut him up."

"Yeah...but..." Patton trails off, rubbing at his arms. Logan shakes his head, standing up from the couch as he glanced over at Remus, nodding his head towards Roman, who nodded back, a silent agreement running through their head.

"Hey, Remus?" Roman calls out, a fake smile on his face as he also stands, stalking over to his brother, Logan following behind with an emotionless expression.

Remus snaps out of his thoughts, eyes lighting up at the attention he was receiving from his twin. He never talks to him unless it was to yell at him, not to mention he never smiles.

"Yeessss?"

"I have a surprise!" He chirped, helping his brother off the ground. He didn't know why his heart clenched as Remus's eyes lit up. He's _evil,_ he shouldn't feel bad.

"For me?"

"No for the other Remus in the room," Virgil commented sarcastically.

They ignored the sarcastic comment, leading Remus off to an old storage closet they cleaned out a while ago, they keep it mostly empty, a few old items in there were crammed in there though.

"So what's the surprise?" Remus questions, though he didn't expect to be shoved inside a _dark_ closet.

He gasped rather loudly, jumping as the door was slammed shut, his blood running cold as he heard the soft _click_ of the door locking. He jiggled the handle, his hands starting to shake.

"Roman, this isn't funny!" He hissed angrily, only to receive a small snicker in return.

"Oh come on Remus! We're all tired of your disturbing comments and facts! Virge told us the other dark sides gave you timeouts in closets so maybe you'll stop these stupid comments now!"

Remus gave a quiet whimper at his words, panicking as he heard many pairs of footsteps begin to walk away. Without thinking, he banged his fists against the ground, causing the other sides to flinch.

"NO!" He shouted, kicking his foot against the door as his breathing picked up. "LET. ME. OUT!"

No answer.

"GUYS! PLEASE!"

Silence.

"I-I'LL BE GOOD! I WON'T TALK ANYMORE!"

Nothing.

"I'll BEHAVE! J-JUST _PLEASE!"_

Tears began to stream down his cheeks and he continues to scream out pleads, his body trembling.

"No no no no no..." He whimpered out to himself, gripping at his greasy hair roughly, eyes screwed shut. The room felt so _small._ He couldn't breathe.

He turned, back against the door of the closet before he slid down, legs pressed against his chest. He laid his head in between his legs, sucking in sharp, shaky breaths.

_They'll let me out soon, this is just a cruel joke. They aren't like them. They don't hate me. I'm just being a little too much right now. It's just a little timeout._

Remus tried. He really did. But the room felt stuffy and he just couldn't seem to get the air inside his lungs. It as if the air was poisonous and his body was refusing to let it in.

His heart thundered against his chest and soon he was sobbing.

No, he was _screaming._

The sides grew worried, whining and pleading are too different things.

Once Logan handed over the Key, Dee nearly threw open the door and the sides only felt horrible at the sight of Remus's hands over his ears sobbing his heart out. He gasped as the fresh air filled his lungs, the weight from behind leaving him as the door opened. His head whipped around and the sides just felt more awful by the second.

Remus wasted no time in hopping up and throwing himself into Deceit's arms, practically choking him but Dee didn't care, he merely fastened his own arms around him protectively.

" _Please, "_ He begged loudly, the sound was so pathetic and quiet yet it boomed in their ears, hitting their hearts like a bullet from a shotgun. "I'll be good! I-I won't say anything again! I'll be quiet! J-Just don't...don't lock me in there again! I don't like it- I **_please!"_**

"Remus- fuck I'm so sorry. I-I should if fought them harder." Deceit gasped out, but it didn't even begin to compare to how loudly Remus cried.

The sides had definitely fucked up, and they didn't know how to repair it.


	3. "I'm not his hero..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Roman angst, spoilers, based off the new episode

_"Well Roman, thank God you do not have a mustache because I would not be able to tell who is the evil twin."_

"I-I'm not like him." The fanciful side mumbled to himself, hands gripping at his brown bangs.

"I-I'm a prince. I'm a _hero."_

His hands tugged at his bangs, attempting to blink back tears but they fell. And they didn't stop.

His body trembled, a sob slipping past his lips, yet he shoved his fist in his mouth to keep the sound from reaching the other's ears. It doesn't really matter, he was sure everyone could tell where the saddened emotions are coming from.

_I'm a hero. I'm a hero. I'm a hero. I'm a-_

The knock at the door caused Roman to jump. He rubbed at his cheeks and climbed off his bed before heading over to his mirror, frowning at the image shining back at him.

He was _not_ camera ready.

"Hey, Princey? It's Virge." Roman froze at the name, his teeth digging into his bottom lip, glancing over at the door.

"What do you want Virgil?" Roman asks. His voice showed just how mentally drained he is.

"Can I come in?"

"I would rather you not..." Roman called back honestly, heading back over to his bed. The bed squeaked as he climbed onto it, and he groaned as he heard the door open. "Virge-"

"Shut up princey and lemme talk okay?" The anxious side snapped, shitting the four behind him as he walked over to Roman, standing at the edge of his bed with his hands tucked into his pockets.

Roman huffed, attempting to shield his face from the anxious side. He did _not_ want Virgil to know he was crying. He is a prince. Princes do not cry.

"Roman, you were a dick." Virgil starts, but he didn't get to finish as Roman scoffed.

"Well thanks, Virgil! That makes me feel a whole lot better! What are you going to tell me I'm evil too?!"

"Well if you didn't interrupt me then I could finish." Snapped Virgil, which had Roman falling in a brief silence. "You were a dick, you did the same thing to me. We trusted all of you enough to tell you out names and you laughed at us. It was a dick move, " Virgil explained before signing. "But Deceit was being a dick too. You aren't anything like Remus."

"I look like him."

"For gods sakes Princey, this is the last time I'm telling you, we have the same fucking face!"

"Well-"

"Lemme stop you right there." Virgil interrupts, holding up a hand, which had Roman falling silent. "Roman, you are _nothing_ like Remus. You both represent two different types of creativity, and okay a few things you two do make it seem like you two are twins. However, you are both very different, and personality-wise, nothing alike."

"But Thomas doesn't see me as a hero!" Roman blurted out, sitting up, which finally revealed his bloodshot eyes, hand gripping at his hands. "I was supposed to be his _hero!"_

"Princey, we aren't superheroes. We aren't villains. We're just parts of Thomas that are trying to get him through life." Virgil explains as softly as he could, sitting next to Roman who crossed his eyes, his eyebrows scrunched together. He suddenly stood up, fists clenched.

"But that wasn't how it was before! I _was_ his hero! I was his prince! I made him happy but now I can't even do that! I'm a failure! I'm useless Virgil! What do you need me for?! I might as well just fuse with Remus again! Then maybe it would be better! Maybe then I would be a fucking _**hero!"**_

Arms wrapped around the ranting man, squeezing at his waist, which had him trembling. His breathing sped up, a sob itching at the back of his throat.

"I-I just want to be his _hero._ B-But I'm not." Roman muttered out, tears beginning to fall down his cheeks again, his hands clenching at the back of Virgil's hoodie as he hugged the anxious man back.

Virgil could feel Roman breaking in his arms. His soul was broken, his pride, and not to mention his _heart._

"I'm not a hero Virge." Sobbed Roman, tears now freely running down his face. "I'm not! What am I?! What am I if I can't help Thomas?! I don't know what I am! I just feel useless!" Roman sobbed, his knees buckling under him, which had him and Virgil falling to the floor. Virgil never let go, he just held him, he listened, and he _stayed._

Roman must have cried for hours but Virgil didn't care, he stayed with him silently. Roman needed to let out his emotions and rant, so he let him. Once Roman finally began calming down, Virgil helped Roman onto his bed, sitting next to him while he curled up into a ball, hugged a stitch stuffed animal to his chest, sniffling softly.

"I'm not his hero Virge..."

"Maybe you're not, " Virgil started, staring forward, his hands making their way back into the pockets of his jacket. "But you'll always be his prince."

Roman sniffled, yet the comment had a warm feeling spreading throughout his chest. "You...really think so?"

"I know so. And think of it like this. Princes are basically superheroes without superpowers."

Roman let out a soft laugh, which Virgil hated to say he missed.

"Never thought about it that way."

"I'm surprised you think at all."

"Oh put a sock in it."

The two bickered, yet the smiles never left their faces.

They sat in silence for a bit before Roman glanced up at Virgil.

"Hey, Virgil?"

As he caught his attention, he bit lip before glancing away from him, as if he's embarrassed. "Could you...stay? For a little bit?"

"Of course Roman. I'll stay for long as you want. Wanna watch a Disney movie?"

"I would...like that."

"Black cauldron?"

"Really? Ugh fine."

"Haha."


	4. "I kissed a boy..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a drabble-

Patton hugged at his knees, frowning to himself, tear stains running down his slightly chubby, freckled cheeks, his glasses off to the side. His 'friends' were spamming him with text messages of slurs and insults, the picture of him, at a mere 12 years old, kissing another boy came to a shock to everyone.

He's relatively popular, most are jealous of how everyone smiles around him, his cheerful attitude is usually contagious. He's always complimenting others, he's the reason most smile. He's a great friend and easy to talk to, the problem is, he attends a Catholic Private school, and he had been caught kissing a boy. 

"I kissed a boy...and I liked it, " He whispered to himself.

Why? Why did he like it? He's supposed to like boys, his feelings aren't morally sound. What would his dad say if he saw these? Or his mom? They were going to be so upset, and yet, his mind was only focused on a certain my chemical romance fan.

"The taste of his cherry chapstick..." Patton's lips trembled, he clenched his hands into fists, hating that his mind couldn't forget the feeling of Virgil's lips on his, the gentleness and lovely tingles that ran up his spine at the connection, the way he Virgil smiled at him after, reassuring him that these feelings are okay, that liking him wasn't a sin.

"I kissed a boy just to try it..." He continues, sniffling a bit. "I hope my friends don't mind it..."

His friends had minded, they minded a lot.

He ran a hand up his cheeks, rubbing at his puffy eyes before tangling it into his hair, a soft sob leaving him. "It felt so wrong...it felt so right, " He whispers, he felt dirty, wrong. However, he also felt light and relieved, his heart clenched in guilt and confusion ran through the stems of his mind, trying to wrap around what's really and what's really wrong. "I can't be in love tonight..."

"I kissed a boy and I liked it, " He admits to himself, horror laced in with the confession.

"I liked it. "


	5. Valentine's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yep! I have to do angst for this-
> 
> Warning: Remus angst-

Remus smiled to himself as he held a poorly written note and a single dead flower in his hand, since he's "bad" creativity, he can't summon nice things, but dead things are good too right? Besides, he has a nice note to go with it!

He walked down the dark hallway of the mind palace, stopping at the old, creaky wooden door with holes and chipped paint on it. He turned the rusty knob and pushed the door open, heading into the lighter parts. The brightness burned his eyes, though, he smiled past it, beginning to glance around. He had gotten dressed up for once, surprisingly so. He wore an ugly green, wrinkled suit, his greasy hair gelled back with honey, he doesn't own any hair products and Janus had moved out so he couldn't steal any of his.

As he walked down the hallway he began searching for Janus, even though he doesn't stay on the dark side, he still visits, and the weird feelings Remus felt for him hadn't faded in the slightest, in fact, they only grew stronger.

As he searched he huffed in annoyance as he couldn't find Janus, though, he soon ran into the rest of the light sides, well, except Roman. Their eyes fell on Remus and Virgil immediately hissed and scooted as far away from Remus as possible. The other two, however, started at Remus's appearance.

"Remus, you look different, " Logan points out, blinking as he looked him over.

Remus grinned, he had brushed his teeth for the first time in a while so his breath smelled like mint and it tasted odd to him. Patton tilted his head and glanced down at Remus's hand, offering a polite smile, Remus is rather off-putting to him, but he didn't want to be mean after all.

"What's all this for Kiddo?" Patton asks curiously.

Remus twirls the flower in between his fingers and bounces on his heels in excitement. "Do any of you know where Dee is?" He asks, ignoring the question, too eager to explain.

The three glance at each other and before Logan or Patton could get a word in, Virgil speaks up. "He's in the imagination, " he blurts out.

Remus nods and rushes off to the imagination. He easily enters his side, though, he had a feeling he was on Roman's side of it. Roman was probably just showing off on his fighting skills again. At the thought, Remus rolls his eyes and snorts, Roman is such a dork.

As Remus enters Roman's side of the imagination, his heart begins to beat just a bit faster, would Janus like his gift? He liked the octopus heart he had given him for his birthday! And the baby snake for Christmas, so Janus would surely like this gift as well.

As he began wandering around, he heard distant laughter and grinned, he would recognize that laugh anywhere. He continued walking towards the angelic sound, the occasional snorts only causing his smile to grow. Janus would always grow embarrassed at the sound, but it always made Remus's heart skip a beat.

However, this time, he could feel the intense pain of his heart being pulled apart, veins slowly ripping and blood oozing.

He stared at the scene in front of him, Roman sat so close to Janus that it made Remus want to violently stab his brother. They both seemed so happy, Janus pressed his forehead against Roman's, their cheeks are flushed, they're sitting on a picnic planet with an entire feast of their favorite foods. They're both dressed up nicely, and Remus couldn't help but notice how much better Roman appeared compared to him. His gifts, his looks, his smile, everything about him is just superior to Remus.

Remus felt his first clench around his presents, his body beginning to tremble. He felt something run down his cheeks, though, as their lips connected a gasp left him involuntarily.

They broke apart and their baring eyes bore into him, their eyes widening in surprise.

"Remus..?" Janus mumbles. Though, he didn't get another word in before Remus dropped the gifts and sunk out.

Roman swallowed a little and frowned while Janus stared at the empty area where Remus had been. He stood, noticing that he had dropped a few items. He walked over to the unknown objects, ignoring Roman's eyes on his. His heart clenched at the dead flower, a weak smile coming to his face, scooping it into his palm before lifting the note as well.

_Happy Valentine's day Double Dee! I love you!_

_-Remus_

_P.s, Visit me more you asshole! Make me food bitch._

Dee let out a dry laugh, the handwriting sucked, and it wasn't much, but it meant the world to him. 

"Janus...?" Roman says, coming from behind the man, wrapping his arms around his waist. 

Janus glances over his shoulder and hums, turning to face him. Roman and Remus are so different, he loves Remus, but not in that way. Without thinking, he leaned over and pressed his lips against Roman's again, and Roman could feel the pain. 

\--------------

Remus sat in the dark side of the mind palace, alone, tears streaming down his cheeks, his clothes now ripped and his hair mangled. Blood oozed from his knuckles fresh holes are dented into the walls of the palace. He felt empty. 

He wrapped his arms around his knees and rested his chin against his knees, staring at the ground blankly.

"I wish I was Roman." 


End file.
